My First Day as a SAHM

Teacher workdays started yesterday, so I am counting it as my first official day as a stay-at-home-mom.  I am going to give a recap of how we spent our day.  Not because I think anyone cares, but because this blog is going to turn into Max's baby/childhood book.  And, and, and because I am I forward-thinking mom and when Max is older and needs therapy because his mom is a cray cray, this blog will save him HUNDREDS on therapy.  Instead of sitting on a couch, rehashing everything, he can be like "read the blog" and then him and his therapist can just get straight to the point.  See?

Anyways, here is our day:

7:00:  Wake up.  Andres goes to get Max and we lie in bed for while while Max drinks his morning cup of milk.  At some point Andres took Max downstairs for breakfast and I got ready for the day.  Monday's are my cleaning day so I skipped showering.  However, I always ALWAYS wear makeup out of respect for my fellow man.

9:00:  By this point Andres left for work and so Max followed me around my room and his room as I dusted the furniture.  Then, I got Max dressed, brushed his teeth, and combed his hair.  That sounds simple, but it was sort of like alligator wrestling and took a whole 30 minutes.

I also realized that we were completely out of baby wipes.

9:30  Put Max down for his morning nap.  Clean the upstairs bathrooms and dust the family room furniture.

10:10  Max is clearly not going to take his morning nap so I get him up, change him, and we go to WalMart and the thrift store because we keep things classy in this house.

11:45  Arrive home with:  a picture from the thrift store that your grandma called and wants back, but I sort of love it, baby wipes, throw rugs, a towel bar, hangers, and bubbles.

12:00 Max eats lunch and I unpack our thrift store and WalMart gear.  Then I eat lunch.  Danish to be specific.  Don't judge.

12:30  Attempt to put Max down for a nap.  Doesn't work, but I do get the other two bathrooms cleaned while he tries to settle down.

1:00  Decide to be the best mom ever and we go outside to play with bubbles!  Max is all like, "Ooohhh, look, mommy has an orange klean kanteen.  Bubbles suck."

So we go inside and I attempt to interest Max in his actual toys, or singing songs, or books, but he's cranky and is mad that I'm not allowing him to play with the electrical outlets.

1:30  Put him down for a nap and decide that I'm not going back in.  He finally falls asleep around 2.

2:00:  Play on the internets while Max is napping.  Eat chocolate covered coffee beans.  Melt a bunch by sitting on them.  Wipe the melted chocolate off our bed and pray for it to come clean.  It does.

3:00:  Max wakes up and we have a snack and play with toys.  (He's finally interested). I notice I have melted chocolate on the rear of my black yoga pants.  Oh well.

4:00:  I start thinking about dinner, and decide to cook pasta.  I give Max the dust mop and let him run around.  When he is bored with that, I put on the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir.  We listen to "I'm Amazed" about 3 times and letmetellyou we spent the next 10 minutes as Pentecostals.  Praise dance and all.

5:30:  Max is finally eating dinner and Andres arrives home.  

6:00:  Andres gives Max a bath while I vacuum the dining room, family room, and kitchen.  

6:30  I start to get ready for Girls Night.  (We watch the Bachelorette).  This means I brush my teeth (don't worry, I brushed in the morning too) and wiped the melted chocolate off my pants.

7:00 Drive to girls night, which is right near our old neighborhood so I took a swing around our old haunts to reminisce.  Remembered the time I had to park by the pool and took out a bunch of my students' math assessments and began walking to MY OWN HOME THAT I PAY FOR BY WAY OF MY HUSBAND, and some idiots at the pool began calling after me, "Hey, B----!  No soliciting!"  WTH???  I should've left a few math assessments on their doors, if I knew who the heck they were.  My blood really started to boil so I zoomed out of there pretty quick.  Ugh.  I am SO glad we are gone from that cray cray place.  I could tell some stories.

7:15  I arrive at girls night and we talk and watch the Bachelorette.  Kellie is moving to Dallas (we've all got the sadz) and auctioned off some of her clothes.  I ended up with a few things plus some lightbulbs, and ALMOST ended up with a pair of jeans until Kellie was all like "those make you look liked you pooped" so thank the Lord for honest friends.

Last night was the Men Tell All and can I just say I am team Juan Pablo for life?!?  Is anyone with me?  I know Chris Harrison is.  Anyone who watched last night--Chris Harrison was all like "i want to make out with Juan Pablo" only he didn't say those exact words, he said it with his whole aura, amiright?

Also, isn't Kasey annoying?  If I was Des, instead of trying to tell off James, I would've told Kasey to STOP TALKING and asked why he cared so much.

And that was my day.  And here is Juan Pablo.  I hope he's the next Bachelor.  I would watch the crap out of that.

Hello, Juan Pablo.  Come to my house.  I cook you pasta.  We play with bubbles.